3.22.2011

Deal-Breakers

If He:
  • Smokes
  • Doesn't open the door for me. (I'm completely capable of opening my own door, I've been doing it now for 20+ years. It's about RESPECT)
  • Talks to my chest more then to my face.
  • Has hair longer then mine.
  • Informs me when the check comes that we're going dutch.
  • Drops the F bomb more times then I can count. (This only applies to guys I'm dating. Mugs, you're fine)
  • Asks me to drive. (I don't mind meeting him somewhere, but I'm not picking him up)
  • Is rude to waiters. That's just not cool, bro.
  • Wears Ed Hardy. If you agree or have no idea what this is, that's why we're friends.
  • Drives a Ford Mustang. Especially any model from the 90's.
  • Wears tighter pants then me.
  • Has a tattoo of a naked or scantly clad woman.
  • Wears pants that have sparkly gems on the back pockets.
  • Is prettier then me. Everyone that knows me knows I hate  competition.
  • Is a douche bag.

3.14.2011

Marlboro Man

I met Greg through a co-worker. She had the brilliant idea that he and I would go well together. He's 30, divorced, works in customer service, drinks occasionally and, here's the kicker...smokes. Smoking is the number 1 turn off to me, ew. We planned to go out Saturday at 8, he asked me to drive(strike one) but then text me later and wanted me to meet him at his friend's house, apparently there was a party. I met him over there and he introduced me to pretty much everyone. I was starving so when he asked if I wanted to go grab a bite to eat I was relieved. We went to a Japanese place(I drove), the food was really great, Benihana style. Turns out Greg knows Chinese and our waiter happened to be Chinese, weird, I know. He asked our waiter in Chinese what he thought of me(points subtracted for tackiness) the waiter responded in English. I'm grateful someone there knew how to not be rude. After dinner on the drive back to the party Greg made fun of my car(strike two). I knew he was just joking, but I didn't find it funny. Everyone at the party was really nice. But I was over the party scene a year after I graduated high school. One guy was a little too nice actually. He was super drunk, so it's totally fine he sexually harassed and objectified me, NOT. I was the only one not completely drunk and their smoking really bothered me. We played some pool and talked. At one point Greg held my hand, which to those of you who know me well, this a big deal. It completely threw me off. At midnight or so I've had enough of putting on a happy face and told him I was tired and was going to head home. He walked me out to my car, I thanked him for dinner as we hugged. I was grateful to be leaving. He's a nice enough guy, sorta funny, easy to talk to. Just... not even close to what I want. Hasta la vista, Greg!